When there are important changes in the family, it costs us little for adults to use the famous phrase 'children adapt easily' ... 'you will see how it does not suffer when you start school!', Or 'after all you will have to get used to it, surely in a couple of days your son has already made new friends. ' The little ones seem to us just as flexible when they hit each other ('don't worry, if they are rubber!') Than in emotionally tense situations.
But all of us who have changed cities with children (or those who have enrolled your children in another school), and we also have a little sensitivity, we know that children do suffer when they leave behind everything that provides them with stability, and when they must break emotional ties with their friends. We will try in this post to show what the role of parents would be when enrolling children in a new school, and what strategies we have available to improve the situation.
I do not think that it is a question of assessing in intensity the degree of affectation, but of understanding that each one will express in a different way the confusion, insecurity or stress. And on our part (that of the parents) we must be very aware of the signs through which the children manifest themselves, and also willing to accompany them and help them if they need it. Continuous tantrums in a nine-year-old boy, refusing to go out to the park in one of seven, permanent sadness in one of five, moodyness in one of eleven. There are even those who know how to put the exact words to their feelings, but let's not expect this (which would be ideal) when we ourselves do not use the language in order to reflect our mood.
Once the change is decided, the reasons only matter to give an orientation to how the issue will be addressed with the children: if the parents have separated, it will be necessary to strengthen the emotional ties with the child so that they know that they both love him, if we enroll in another center due to an unresolved cyberbullying situation, we will give relevance to strengthening the child's self-esteem, etc.
It is often said that 'the changes are for the better', and although it is not always true, What is true is that it is precisely what we parents want: we moved to improve, we look for a school with pedagogies that best fit our way of seeing education, we want the children's school to be closer to work so as not to have to leave them in the evening custody service, etc.
How to minimize the impact of school change on the child's life
In the first place, something that should jump for its obviousness, but that I consider very important: the little one must know from the moment we make the decision, what is going to happen. One thing is that we adapt the language that we will use according to the age of the children, and another very different is to lie to them, and wait for a week before the start of classes to reveal the news.
Open language without hindrance, and a dialogic attitude will favor the child's internal process, and will allow him to express his doubts, fears, insecurities, and of course! their refusals and reluctance
And speaking more specifically of the school: if the change occurs within the Spanish territory and we are talking about the Public School, we probably should not do anything from the 'more academic' point of view. But If we change to a concerted school or move abroad, it is convenient to find out if the school has transition programs, or what is the didactic programming (In order to be able to transmit to our child the possible changes in methodology that their teachers will follow).
There is a very specific aspect that will speed up the integration of the child and will make him feel more secure: if the parents get involved knowing the teachers, participating in the AMPA, providing books for the Library of the Center, or in any other way ... the family jointly access the school and everything will develop more fluently. In the end the education of children belongs to all of us.
Simple strategies that we have at our disposal:
Visit the neighborhood where the new school is (which may also coincide with that of the address we have moved to), to learn about the equipment - library, sports center, parks, hiking-enabled areas, recreational associations, etc. -. It is always good for children to know that their life is not limited to staying in school, and in these cases even more.
Take advantage of it is summer and we have more free time to try to meet new families in the park, or participate in neighborhood parties in order to get acquainted with some of the faces that we will surely find later at the school door.
Find out what the extracurricular or complementary activities projects that are carried out inside and outside the school, so that our children can continue to develop their hobbies.
It is convenient that we go to the school from September 1 and ask the secretary or director to let us access so that the child knows the facilities in advance.
Finally we must be aware of not raising our expectations to the point that the kids can't meet them: We do not want to have a group of friends after 15 days of class, do not intend to inquire insistently 'what they learn each day' ...
In return let's worry about how they feel, how they live the change, and what we can do to access other parents and organize joint activities
They say that the older the child, the more problematic the adaptation. I think this phrase is wrong, and I will explain: the older the more is his need for independence and membership in a group, that is why in these cases we seek the inclusion of children in external activities according to their preferences, and we trust if after two months and want to go alone with the neighbors to see how the largest sports center play. I speak of boys who are over nine or 10 years old, and provided the area is safe.
In any case they are the age they have, changing schools is not a 'dish of taste' although in the long run it is the best option. A mother tells you that she saw how her five-and-a-half-year-old son found a new school to start Primary: only the vision of the huge courtyard (accustomed to a rural school) already caused fears.
Prepare them, help them, show them your love and accompany them ... everything will be easier.
