Since a baby is born, it becomes part of our family and, at the same time, it becomes part of a society whose machinery has been turning for thousands of years on very different roads in which we, the inhabitants, take a series of decisions that will affect us to a greater or lesser extent throughout our lives. Be active subjects or be passive subjects? Be obedient or be rebellious? Be submissive or fighters? Be humble or conceited? Selfish or supportive? Friendly or unfriendly? Violent or dialoguing? Optimists or pessimists? Respectful or intolerant? Integrators or racists?
Krishnamurti said, in one of his most famous phrases, that "It is not healthy to be well adapted to a deeply ill society", and one of our roles as parents is undoubtedly trying to make a diagnosis (or several) of the different ailments, diseases and gangrene of the world in which we live to help our children separate the grain from the straw and adapt, or not, as necessary.
To the phrase that I have just commented I add another from Gandhi, which can help a lot in that way: "The most heinous thing about bad people is the silence of good people". What path do I talk about? Well of the 27 things children need to know at age 12 and better know them for you, and in this case, the 27 things that I will try that my children know for me (because it is probable that in some you do not agree with me).
1. What is friendship?
A father is not the friend of a son, although he does establish a relationship with many of the characteristics that can define a relationship of friendship. The SAR says that friendship is "Personal, pure and selfless affection, shared with another person, born and strengthened with the deal." That is, what a father feels for his son, but without being, at least not always, an equal to equal relationship.
AdvertisingThrough the relationship with our children they will learn what is affection, affection, wanting to be with a person because yes, without it being for nothing, without expecting anything from the other person, just by the mere fact of have things in common and respect each other. That a friend is the one who is capable of doing incredible things for the other, and supporting him in good times and bad times, but nothing (or almost nothing) has to do with the friendship of social networks, where a person with more than 1,000 friends may not really have one whose relationship is close.
No son, no daughter, never take advantage of anyone in exchange for your friendship and no, never let anyone give you their friendship in exchange for something.
2. What is machismo
Who is the most important person in this world? Dad? Maybe mom? It depends? And do you think that mom, because she is a woman, deserves less respect than men? Because women deserve exactly the same respect and the same treatment from everyone. We live in a world created by and for men in which women must juggle to fit as they can, and on top of that they have to endure that many men continue to perpetuate the belief or withdrawal of times where women were at the service of man.
No son, no daughter, men should never make you feel more man or more woman than anyone, but equals. Equals between you and equals before society. With the same rights and the same duties, but never less than anyone for being a boy or a girl.
In Babies and more My 12 year old son has a partner, what do I do?3. Why do older thieves usually wear suits (or what are elections for?)
We spend half our lives trying to explain to our children that they have to be good people. Our parents told us ourselves. How unfair, how hard it is then to realize that in many cases, those who run the world, those who rule, those who make the decisions, they are not good people.
Appearances are often deceiving, and although we may suspect poor people, the biggest thieves usually wear suits. And many of those who wear suits are leading our cities, our autonomous communities and our country. It is worth having it clear so, when voting, choose well. To choose people who really want to do something for their people, and not for those who only take the chair to live well with the money of others.
4. How they try to trick us with TV ads
What you see on TV is, in most cases, a hoax. Most of the things you see in this world have a mission: get you to spend your money. And sometimes they do it with very questionable methods. They will try to make you feel unhappy, incomplete, badly done, ugly (especially they will do it with you, my daughter), and they will make you believe that you need what they offer to complete you. Only then will you smile like the actors in the ads and only then will you be fashionable and can be accepted by others.
Television is an incredible medium and can make you enjoy a lot and even learn a lot. The problem is that misused, it can be very dangerous. Think, always think. Because even at the time of the news the story can be explained in a way that seems the opposite of what it is.
5. Why women and men in magazines do not exist
Photoshop It's called Photoshop, and it's a program that modifies the images so that men and women who appear in magazines and on the Internet look thin, with incredible curves, a skin free of impurities, marks and wrinkles and a film hair. All with the intention of making you believe that these people exist and that you should aspire to be like them. For what? For the same, so that you feel inferior, so that you worry about your image more than you do, so that you try to be like them and spend your money. It all comes down to people creating needs in others, who end up covering those needs by spending their money.
But no, those women do not exist, because if you saw them live and direct you would realize that they are not the ones in the photo.
6. Where do we come from, or what is sex
Neither storks, nor seedlings, nor plants ... when a boy and a girl grow up they become adults and from that moment they can have children. Children have each other through sexual intercourse, which can be had for love or for the simple fact of enjoying the moment with a person who wants the same thing.
When the time you want to start is, keep in mind that there is a risk of pregnancy and that there is a risk of transmission of sexual diseases, if you do not use protection. Would you like to have a baby now, or have to go through the decision to abort or not? Would you like to catch a disease that affects your genitals and can be serious? Well, if this is not the case, do not forget to use contraceptive methods.
If you don't know how to use them, you tell me that I teach you. Ah, in a drawer in my room I left a box of condoms, in case it is the method you are going to use. When they are going to finish you let me know and I will buy you more ... if not, if you tell me where you are going to leave them, I can go looking at the box and replace them when I see that they are missing. You decide.
7. Motorcycles are one of the worst inventions man has made
This is my personal opinion (this point will not seem important to other parents) and on this subject I cannot be impartial: I have never had a motorcycle because my friends and acquaintances have gone to go with one of them, and for having worked in the ambulances I have seen more than I would have ever wanted to see die for the same reason, so I have to give you my opinion: motorcycles are one of the worst inventions man has ever made. In case you have an accident there will be nothing that saves you beyond the helmet. The faster you go, the greater the risk, and you don't have to go very fast to fly away.
Of course, a car is also dangerous, but you are more protected. And yes, of course I trust you. Is in the others who I don't trust
8. Drugs are worse invention than motorcycles
Many people consume them and it seems that as many people consume them it is something good or beneficial. Something like that if you don't do it, you won't be as "cool" as they are. Maybe you're even the most bland if you're not one of them. The question is: Can you have fun without taking drugs? Because I think so. Now, if you go to places and with people who don't offer you that fun, if you depend on drugs to enjoy, you may have to ask yourself if that's where you want to be, or if it's with them that you want to share your youth.
If motorcycles are a bad invention, I don't even tell you drugs. You will run the risk of ceasing to be you, to stop controlling your life, for a few moments, minutes, perhaps hours, and at that time you will put yourself at risk. Risk because drugs are not always just as pure and risk because if you pass you will be unable to control what may happen.
You are not better at doing the same as others, nor are you worse at not doing it..
9. Violence should never be a method of conflict resolution
In nature, the strongest rules. And the strongest is asserted with his body and his physical power because he can't speak. But we are not wild animals, but civilized people, and as such, we know how to reason and dialogue and we can reach agreements without the need to do physical harm to anyone. I don't think you like anyone hitting you, so I don't think anyone likes someone hurting you.
Maybe you know someone who has been the victim of abuse, someone from school, someone from high school, from their parents or from a partner. It's not funny. It has no grace, even if the abuser of the other seems funny. No one deserves to be humiliated without reason and nobody is anyone's toy. Never let them do something like that to you and never side with the one who does it with others. And no, don't try to fix the problems by force. This is not how things are solved.
10. What is death?
Although it sounds weird, death is another part of life, because it is inevitable. And not only is it inevitable, but you'll see it many times, unfortunately. You will lose your pet, you will lose a friend (I do not strictly refer to now, but surely in the future), you will lose your dearest ones, you will lose me if everything follows the intended order ... and you will continue here fulfilling whatever That is your mission in life.
Think about it, from time to time, think about how everything suddenly ends for someone and what happens to those who stay crying their march. Think, because you don't have to be afraid of him and because the important thing, really, is to know that we are not immortal, even if you feel that way now. Why? Well because knowing that it is there you will value your life more, and you want to protect it. Is there anything you have done in your life that makes you feel proud enough to say "I have already done everything I had to do"? Right no? Well then look for the meaning of life, that of your life, and hold on to that path. Embrace it and enjoy. At that point death will be less scary, because you will be living consciously in the present (come on, it is not healthy to always think about what you will do in the future, because when the future arrives, it will become present and you will continue doing what same, think about the future).
In Babies and more17 books recommended for teenagers from 12 to 15 years old11. Never do to anyone what you don't want anyone to do to you
I don't think you need to explain it much. I have always told you, when you hurt a child, or when you lost respect for someone, or when you laughed at someone, when you were little, that you did not do it because you would not like to be done. This advice, or rule, is in effect for a lifetime. Never do to someone else what you don't want anyone to do to you. Respect must always exist.
12. Sometimes happiness is in making others happy
The world is increasingly selfish. People are increasingly selfish, more individualistic, more concerned with themselves and less with others (at least that is my feeling compared to previous generations). Do you know the men in suits, those who rule the world? They take advantage of this, because when people are divided there is no one who can face them. However, when one stops thinking so much about oneself, when one begins to think about others and tries to make them happy in some way, it induces a change in the other person: "there are still good people," they say. And discovering that there are still good people is the first step to feel the need to do something good for others.
It's worth a try. It is worth stopping to require others to do things for you and worry a little more about doing things for others. Sometimes happiness is not in getting everything, but in seeing that others are happy thanks to you.
13. Do not trust appearances
We have spoken a little by mentioning (again, by God) those whom we have baptized as "the men in suits." They seem educated and faultless people, but often they are not. The suit is just a way of dressing, so do not rely on appearances, because you can take very pleasant surprises, but also very unpleasant surprises. Each person has a value, a life and circumstances. Sometimes it would be worth knowing and even suffering them (that life and those circumstances) before issuing a quick trial. Y Be careful who you trust ... looks are deceiving.
14. Forgiving is a virtue, do not forget, too
You have to be able to forgive because mistakes are inevitable. They will be wrong, they will hurt you and they will ask forgiveness for it, just as you will be wrong, you will hurt someone and ask forgiveness for it. You have to learn to forgive because you also want to be forgiven. It is a virtue.
Now, not forgetting is also a virtue in what circumstances, because it can help you know who to trust and who not to trust and who to trust according to what secrets and who does not.
15. Never think you know much about anything
The arrogance is not usually an attitude that feels good to those around you. I understand that on some occasion, when you know a lot about something, or when you feel that you know a lot about something, you end up being too vehement in your arguments, and it's okay to defend your posture, but don't stay there, because there will always be someone who can make you do Doubt and break the schemes. And that's fine, because the last thing you should do is stop doubting, stop asking yourself questions, because then you will stop learning.
And to stop learning is to stop growing, to mature, to realize yourself as a person, to form your opinion, your knowledge, your being. The more you know the more you will realize that the less you know, because you will find more and more knowledge attainable and unattainable (A life is not enough, not far, to have all the knowledge).
16. What is gender violence
It is something that you should never do and that you should not allow anyone to do to another, or to do to you. It is all that physical and / or psychological abuse that is exercised on someone for being of the sex or gender that is. It's terrible. There are people who believe they have the right to make others feel bad, and to harm them, and it should never happen.
17. Who are the Magi, or the importance of respecting the beliefs of others
One of the things that hurts a child most is knowing the truth about the Magi from another child's mouth. That day everything falls apart ... you hate the child for telling you and you hate your parents for lying to you. Well, not all children live it the same, but I lived it that way, and that was my father who revealed reality to me. What a piss I got caught, for having invented a castle in the air and destroyed it at once.
That led me to decide that I would not play with the illusion of my children in that way, with a lie that grows and grows as time goes by, and they have always known who the Magi are… well, rather, if we They have asked, we have not denied it, because there are so many inputs that they receive that support their existence that they end up with a small mental cocoa. Some say yes, others say no. So we let them believe what they want and if they ask, we respond delicately.
So that they do not become those children who tell the truth to those who do believe, we explain that many children believe in it and that they must always respect the beliefs of others, whatever they are.
Come on, it is important to talk with our children about our personal beliefs, but it is also important to talk about the beliefs of others, which can be very different from ours and opposed in many ways. And our way of seeing life may be the best for us, but It doesn't have to be "the best".
18. Skin color does not define us
I guess you have already realized that the world is not a place that intends to treat everyone equally. For a long time women have been treated (even now they suffer) as inferior and people with a different skin color than white have also suffered for a long time, and even now they suffer.
But the skin color says nothing about us. Absolutely nothing. You are not better for being white and you are not worse for being black, just as you are not better for being a man and worse for being a woman. Everybody we must be treated the same and we all deserve the same respect, regardless of where we were born or how we are.
19. The color of the banknotes of the portfolio does not define us either
It is clear that in a capitalist society, which moves for money and in which everything revolves around it, the one that has more money usually has more power. But having more power does not make you more than anyone, although many people look at it to value you. If you have a very expensive car you seem more admirable than if you have a cheap car. If you have a great house, the same, or if you have more bills in your wallet. Even if you have brand clothes. There are people who buy branded clothes just to make them look like they have money, or worse, to make it look like they have it.
Ask yourself a question: if a person with little money and another with a lot of money will find someone in a very complicated situation, in need of money, or something to eat Who would help you? Maybe you tell me that the one with money will do it, maybe you will tell me the one with little money. In fact, it is possible that if we did a survey, more people would respond that the one who has less is more likely to offer help, but it would have to be done to find out. What I mean by this? That we are not able to say who is a better person, if the one who has a lot or the one who has little, because as I just said, the money we have or do not have does not define us.
20. What is love
Do you remember what I told you about friendship? Well, it is something like that, but adding the desire to spend more time with the other person, the need to be together, the desire to make him happy, to share time, space and love. Love is also wanting to kiss, touch and enjoy together, and everything else we have already said must prevail: Respect, not doing what you don't want to do with the other person, do not do things looking for a reward or interest and deposit confidence in that person, which will be the same as deposited in you. That is why you cannot break that, because it is the most important thing: be honest, be respectful and not break the trust you have (there is no need to go around telling you everything you do or stop doing, if that can be a problem for the person you love).
Love is to enjoy it, and it is difficult to define it because you have to live it to know exactly what it is. But it is something so magical and so valuable that you have to take care of it. And no, although in "Women and men and vice versa" two hearts appear in the logo, that is not what best defines love.
21. What is an addiction and why do we care about mobiles?
When some of the things we like to do or any of the things that are useful to us take up too much time and limit our desire or ability to do other things we can talk about addiction. The mobile is one of the examples of the device that is absorbing life and time, and that is why we worry when we see you for a long time with it. All the more time you are with your mobile is time that you are not playing sports, talking with us, talking with others face to face, reading, enjoying the place where you live or making plans.
Other people become addicted to other things, and usually they are because they have not been able to emotionally balance their lives, because they suffer from deficiencies. Before falling into any addiction that could be dangerous, to the point of destroying your life (drugs, alcohol, etc.), you have to look the way to find happiness in other things, sometimes in the everyday things of life.
22. Hundreds of children your age die every day for not having to put them in their mouths
You have never missed a plate and hopefully we never miss. We all assume that we will always have what to eat, that we will always have electricity, water and gas, that we will always have new clothes and many want to go further, wanting to have things they don't have because others have them or on a whim.
It is what I have told you before capitalism and the creation of needs so that we feel that we are not complete if we are lacking according to what things. I do not say do not buy anything, I do not say that we do not take advantage of elements that make our lives easier, but you do have to look at the things, the world and the society in which you live with perspective and know that you live in a tiny piece of world that It shares space with other societies and cultures that barely have anything to eat. Y hundreds, thousands of children die every day from hunger and disease that here we cure with medications that they don't have. Can we live better? Of course, but always keep it in mind: we could live much worse ... never forget it, and never forget them (you may want to do something for them, as we do, your parents).
23. Not everything goes as long as it is accepted by others
The power of a group of people to do terrible things is incredible. Surely, if you separate them, none will individually do anything wrong, but if you put them together, because of the power they feel being many, they are capable of the worst. To do so, or to ask you to do so to be part of their group.
I have seen children, because I was also a child, hitting another for the simple fact of wanting to be part of the "rebel" group, for no apparent reason. And surely many of them were wonderful children, who, when joining with others, were carried away to be one more.
Think, my children. Think, my son, because the values, who you are, the person you have decided to be, your values and your integrity must always be present, go alone, be 50. If you feel that something is not right, do not do it, even if the remaining 49 are against you. Again, if that happens, assess the extent to which you have chosen well the group of friends in which you are.
24. Why what you think of yourself is more important than what they think of you
It is linked to the previous point. The strength of a society that walks towards the same place is incredible, for good, but also for bad. And the ability they have to reject the one who walks in another direction is brutal. But if you asked them a question, if you asked them why they are all going in the same direction, and not another, the majority would not know how to answer: "Because we all go there, because it is done that way, because it is normal." It is not that it is better, perhaps even worse, but since they all follow that path, they adopt it as good and criticize the one who gets off that path.
You must not be a sheep, you shouldn't be one more if you don't feel that way, you should not care what they think of you and, above all, you do not have to feel bad because others do not know how to accept you as you are. People who would have been incredible, excellent leaders, who could have changed the world, are now mediocre because Someone told them that their ideas were far-fetched, that it didn't work, and they let themselves be defeated, intimidated and tamed.
In Babies and more How to promote autonomy in children aged 6 to 1225. Life is very short, but don't try to end it in two days
You will hear many times that life is 4 days. And so it is. Life is really very short, and that is why we have to try to enjoy the time we are here. But don't try to finish it in two days, because then yes, it may end sooner than expected. What it means, what I mean, is that you must seek, as I said before, the meaning of your life. One mission, one goal, or several. May your life have meaning, that you face it with joy, with optimism, that you would smile at people, that you will be able to relativize problems, to find solutions, to think how to get ahead when it seems to you that it is the end. Life is very hard, too, but deep down it's a challenge, a series of challenges and problems that can be stimulating, and sometimes even fun, go drawing and overcoming. And do not see how much you enjoy when you see that you are achieving what you are trying to achieve, and how much you enjoy when it seems that there is no other option than throwing in the towel and suddenly you find another way to do things.
26. Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do (or what you should or should not do)
Older adults, we tend to believe that we know a lot from our experience. Well, it is true that experience, experiences, give us very valuable knowledge, but that does not mean that we are always right, because to the experience we add our knowledge, our hobbies, our joys and our sorrows. Come on, you may think that someone speaks to you from experience and perhaps speaks to you from your failures, from your frustrations. Many people believe in the right to tell you, because you are a child, or because you are young, what you can and what you cannot do. They probably lose confidence in your attempts because they couldn't. They may think that you will not be able because they did not think of them before. They may want to encourage you to leave because they will feel even more miserable if you succeed. Therefore, never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do, because you must find the limit.
There are people who do incredible things, simply because they thought they could go further than anyone else, and they did it. I do not want to say with this that you are going to do these incredible things, because in the same way there are those who thought that they could arrive and did not succeed. I only tell you that If you don't try it, you'll never know. And if you let others tell you where your limit is, you will never know it, because you will end up believing that you really cannot go beyond.
27. We will always love you
If I tell you this when you are already 12 years old, it is because I am clear that my mission as a parent, as a transmitter of values, education and information is going to take a back seat. You are already at an age when you will begin to value more the external relations to the family, that is, the relationship with your friends. The group of equals, they call it, those with whom you share tastes, hobbies, space and time. I will be able to give your opinion when you ask me, and maybe I think without you doing it, but I am aware that what prevails now is trust, knowing that I have done my best to allow you to be who you want to be and everything possible to be an example where you could look.
Now it's your turn to continue living, make decisions, choose, get right, make mistakes and get ahead, etc. I just want to tell you that we, mom and I, will always love you, do what you do. And that we will be by your side whenever you need us. What person do you want to be? What kind of adult do you want to become? You have the answer ... well, fight to get it, we will support you as much as we can. Always.
Photos | iStock
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