"Mom, you are telling us what we do wrong all day"the oldest of my daughters told me a few days ago. A phrase that was hanging around in my head because it is true, with everyday life, haste and wanting to do everything well and fast, I usually overlook what they do well and instead I am always highlighting what they do wrong.
Actually, as a mother, one wants to mark what they do wrong so they learn and next time they do better, but it is not the best way to do it. It is more effective to reinforce positive behaviors praising the successes instead of always highlighting their mistakes as if we were a big red pen studding on an exam.
If we believe that good behavior consists in behaving well, that it is a duty and an obligation of children, we are facing a very frequent mistake in which many parents fall. By downplaying the achievements of our children, they end up focusing and defining their personality in relation to their mistakes and bad behaviors.
The personality of the children is molded based on the speech they receive from the parents. They identify with the image they receive from themselves through what we tell them, how we say it and how our attitude towards them is. If we label them with phrases "you are lazy", "you are disobedient", "you do everything wrong", that will be in concept that they have of themselves and will end up believing it. And of course, this is devastating for your self-esteem.
Instead of being all day highlighting what they do wrong, start highlighting what they do well. With each success, a sample of approval, a compliment. Telling you "today you have behaved very well, I really liked that you did not run" will encourage you to improve. Specifying what we approve will encourage you to do well next time too.
Praise reinforces the personality of the children, they are a way to show that we value them and help improve their self-esteem. And from solid self-esteem, learning will be much more effective.
How to reinforce positive behaviors
- Praise positive behaviors immediately to action, because the delay decreases its effectiveness.
- If they have done something wrong, explain it quietly, no shouting or threats
- Listen and pay attention to your needss: many times bad behaviors are a way of claiming attention that we don't give them
- Use the power of words: What you say leaves a mark on children's personality. Use words that motivate and encourage you to improve.
- Occasionally, you can reward the child with a gift to reinforce the desired behavior, although without abusing this resource. It does not have to be a material gift, it can also be for example, an outing, a walk, go to the movies together ...
- Praise every little achievement It will help you reach the ultimate goal. For example, if we want you to remain seated at the table throughout the meal, we will set goals of 5.10.15 minutes and go up as you achieve it.
In Babies and more | The green pen method: highlight your child's successes instead of their mistakes, The importance of reinforcing positive behaviors
