It is a scene that is repeated daily in playgrounds or in places where several children gather. A child arrives with a toy in his hand and, like honey bees, several small swirls wanting to try it. Most children are forced by parents to leave their toys to other children because they have to "learn to share," they say.
But have you thought about the effect of this behavior on children? The message shared on Facebook by Alanya Kolberg has gone viral precisely on the contrary, because He thinks his son doesn't have to share his toys with other children if he doesn't want to.
The mother makes it clear in her post. "My son is not obliged to share anything with yours". It doesn't sound too friendly. That is why it has raised reactions of all kinds, many criticisms, but also great support from those who believe it says what many parents think.
In Babies and more Babies distinguish whether or not we can share (and get angry)The following is part of the message he shares with a photo of his son in the park with other children.
"As soon as we arrived at the park, Carson was approached by at least 6 children at the same time requiring him to share his Transformer, his Minecraft figure, and his truck. He was visibly overwhelmed and grabbed them against his chest when children approached. He looked at me. "You can tell them no, Carson," I said. "Say no. You don't have to say anything else."
Of course, as soon as he said no, the children ran to tell me that he was not sharing. "He doesn't have to share with you," I replied. He said no. If you want to share, it will. That made other parents look at me badly. But this is what I think: if I, an adult, go to the park with a snack, do I have the obligation to share it with strangers? Do not! Could any well-educated adult, a stranger, try to grab the sandwich and have the right to be angry if he turns it away? Not again.
It has nothing to do with good manners
Alanya remarks that do not consider that a child is badly educated Because he doesn't want to share his toys. And stresses that it is necessary to educate children to share only if they wish, as well as teach them to respect the belongings of others.
Who is showing few manners? Does the person who does not want to deliver their toys to six strangers, or the six strangers who demand to take something that does not belong to them?
In part I agree with this concept. It is normal for children to call attention to the toys of other children, as an adult can freak out the neighbor's new car, but that is not why the neighbor is obliged to leave us for a ride if he does not want to. And it has nothing to do with good manners. It is your right and we cannot be offended by it.
The mother adds:
The goal is to teach our children how to behave as adults. I know of many adults who clearly never learned to share as children, but I know of many more who can't say no to other people, or set limits, or take care of themselves. I included.
In Babies and more Children have to share, if they wantTeach them to share, but without forcing them to share
So we shouldn't teach them to share? Of course, but without forcing them. Nor should they be deceived by removing things from their hands. We must always respect their wishes, in addition to giving them freedom to make their own decisions.
There is a stage of development, until approximately four years, in which children do not want to share, but that does not mean that they are selfish. They are entitled to decide on their toys because they are theirs. When another child removes their toys or is forced to share them with other children, they feel confused and disoriented. They are not yet able to distinguish between lending and removing, and logically, it makes them anxious.
Little by little, with your help (that of parents) you will understand that lending toys does not mean losing them and will be more predisposed to share their things with other children as they grow up. Socialization will also come into play and lending your things will be a way to do it.
What do you think about this mother's message? Do you think he is right? How do you teach your children to share?
