A couple of months ago I told you about a recent study that said social networks can affect the confidence of recent mothers, where it was discovered that the greater use of social networks, indirectly increased the symptoms of depression in mothers.
Although it may not be the case for all women, the truth is that social networks can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand they provide us with many things in our life and help us keep in touch with our loved ones. But on the other, they can also make us fall into comparisons and feel that what we are doing is not enough.
Being a mother in times of Instagram and Pinterest can be complicated if we fall into the error of measuring our performance as mothers based on what is shown there. I share my reflection on this subject.
The expectations of social networks
If we are going to talk about motherhood, we must always keep in mind that there are no perfect mothers. There is a phrase that I like very much: perfect mothers are not real and real mothers are not perfect.
I do not understand where it originated or when it arose, but for some reason there is that sense of wanting to be the perfect mother or of judging others for not being perfect mothers. Now in times of social networks, it perpetuates a bit that mom's stereotype that has absolutely everything in order: children, home, work, personal care, etc.
On Pinterest for example, we all build the dream life we would like to have. I confess that I am a fan of Pinterest and I have dozens of boards full of beautiful things, ideas to decorate my house, manicures that I want to do and hundreds of spectacular recipes that "I will make some day". Many times I have come to think: "But of course I can do it, if they can, why can't I?" Even when planning a children's party, social networks set us very high expectations.
Another case is Instagram, where it is common to see in the accounts of mothers influencers Houses that look like catalog, impeccable children and relaxed women who always look beautiful. But the reality is that things are not usually so for most mothers. I do not say that it is not possible for someone to lead such a life, but "real moms" do not always go well combed or wear their children with clothes without a single spot or wrinkle. But motherhood is not how it looks on social networks.
There are days when we do not feel like anything, that we go out without having had time to brush our hair or without realizing we use a blouse with a milk stain. There are weeks in which we could only bathe one or two days, because we were so busy that we had no opportunity to do so and when there was finally a small space, we fell because of exhaustion. There are days when our children came out with clothes that didn't match them because we didn't have time to wash and we gave them the most decent we found. There are days when we turn to fast food because we didn't have time to cook something but we had to feed our family.
Let's take the best that social networks offer us
Before it seems that I hate social networks, I must clarify that this is not the case. Personally I love to use them when I need ideas or clear my mind a little, but I always try to do it responsibly.
The truth is that I can spend hours on Pinterest searching and saving nice and other useful things, such as games to do at home when there is bad weather that I shared recently. I think that every social network has many advantages and positive things, but we must remember that what we see there is not an indication of how things should be in every home.
There was a time when, as the study I mentioned at the beginning said, I felt bad because when I saw what other mothers were doing, I felt that mine was not enough. So I decided to give it another approach and now I only enjoy them. If I get to have a time when I feel bad or cranky about not having a house or making meals like the ones I see there, I remember three things:
Do not compare yourself. Every woman is different, every house is different and every child and family are unique. Do not fall into the game of comparing yourself to others.
Get inspired, but be yourself. We can always see what others are doing, but one thing is to see it to inspire us and another to try to emulate them to be like them. You are unique and perfect with everything you have. Take inspiration from everywhere, but create your own version of yourself, your home and your family.
Remember that what you look at is only a small part. That perfect photo, with natural light and in a dream place is just that, a photo. A photo doesn't tell you everything around it. Behind that seemingly perfect selfie, there may be a mother who is struggling with depression or who only shows her face because she is uncomfortable with her body after having children. Or perhaps that catalog room does not show that out of the picture are all the toys piled in a corner.
What I want to get with all this is: enjoy social networks as what they are. Use them to have fun, to inspire you, to take ideas or to make future plans. Do not let them become something that affects your life or confidence in yourself. The only person you have to compare yourself with is always with yourself.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | What is behind the mothers who share more photos of their children on Facebook ?, A mother blogger reminds us that motherhood is not as seen on social networks
