Talking about depression currently remains a complicated issue. For people who have never suffered from it, it is hard to try to understand what a person with depression is living and feeling. In the case of mothers, the issue is even more complex, because the fact that a mother is depressed, usually surprises people.
If we know someone who suffers from depression, it may happen that in our attempts to help him, we say things that don't really help much for the depressed person. We share you seven phrases that you should not say to a mother with depression and others that will help her.
Mothers and depression
Many people are very surprised to know that there are mothers suffering from depression. Even most people who have not lived it closely, consider it as a simple "emotional downturn" or sadness, one of the many myths about depression. But depression is more than that, depression is a real disease.
In Babies and more "Stop saying you didn't know, because she told you," a mother's post about postpartum depression A few months ago, I went through a very strong depression. I didn't know at what time or how it started. After treating her in therapy, I found some reasons that could trigger her, but the reality is that in many cases, no tragic event is needed for this to happen. Depression does not differentiate age, sex, economic or educational level, if you have children or not, if you have a partner or not. Just arrive and It invades you like a black cloud that clouds your thoughts and confuse your mind in a terrible way.
AdvertisingGetting out of a depression is not easy, especially when you have reached the point of thinking about harming yourself. But yes it is possible to do it, and much of this is the support we receive from the people around us. But they don't always know what to say, or trying to help, they say phrases that don't really help much or can even make the person with depression feel worse.
Phrases you should not say to a mother with depression
When I told some relatives and close people that I had depression, they told me some phrases - that although they were trying to help me - they didn't help me and even made me sink more. For that, and because I know that there are many people who don't know what to say or how to support someone with depression, I share the things you shouldn't say.
You have everything to be happy. Yes, we can have it all, there are even other people who have everything, like some celebrities. But "having it all" is not enough when we don't have one of the most important things: health and mental well-being. To say that we have everything to be happy, can even confuse the person with depression more, because in many cases, we have no idea why we feel this way, causing us to question everything.
Your children are the only motivation you need. That children are the engine of parents there is no doubt. I am sure that as dads and moms, we are able to gain strength when our body can no longer. But when you suffer from depression, your mind becomes so clouded that you can even feel that your children will be better off without you.
There is no time to get depressed when you are a mother. This phrase is usually said by someone who wants to support you but has no sensitivity, or by someone who does not understand the seriousness of a depression. It's like saying: "Don't cry, there are many things to do." By doing this, we are nullifying and minimizing the feeling of the mother with depression. Avoid this phrase at all costs, it does not help at all.
Do you not love your children? If you want, of course we love you, what mother doesn't love her children? But depression has nothing to do with the love we have for our children. Depression is an issue that has to do with ourselves and nothing else.
You're like this because you want to be. This is a phrase that can be useful in other situations, which can help us open our eyes and realize that change is in our hands. But when it comes to depression, it's like telling us that we don't want to be happy. And of course we want to be.
I don't understand how you can feel like that being a mother. Understanding depression when you've never had it is very, very difficult. I did not understand it, until it happened to me. And yet I have a hard time explaining it. Talking about depression does not necessarily mean that we should "understand" it, but understand it.
Go ahead and do something. A phrase that says little and helps much less. It's like telling someone overweight "cheer up and lose weight", or someone with economic problems"cheer up and make more money"If it's not magic and it's not just saying"today I stop being depressed"It is a long, painful process that requires small steps at a time.
Phrases you can say
The fact that you do not understand depression does not mean that you cannot support those who suffer from it. Actually, knowing that you have the support of people who love you is one of the key pieces to start coming out of that black hole. These are some of the phrases that you can say to a mom with depression.
In Babies and more Five things you can do to help when you visit a recent mother You are not alone. For me, this is one of the most important and most helpful. When you have depression, you can feel that the world is coming to you, that all options are closed to you and that there is no one in the world who can help you. But there is, we just need to be reminded.
I'm with you for what you need. What does a person with depression need? The reality is that everyone lives it differently, but showing willingness to help in whatever is necessary to overcome it, helps us think about those things we must do and ask for help to achieve it.
Let's get through this together. The key is in "let's go" and "together." Depression makes us lonely, makes us feel abandoned and that nobody understands us. Probably no one does, especially if they have never been depressed. But knowing accompanied us, knowing that someone will fight unconditionally at our side even if they don't know for sure what happens, is truly motivating.
How can I help you? This is a very respectful and affectionate way of showing someone with depression that you are genuinely interested in helping them overcome it. Maybe at the beginning it is hard work to be told something specific, but as I said, little by little it will progress.
Say nothing and only accompany. Sometimes you don't feel like talking, you don't want help, or you're not ready to talk about depression. The best thing we can do in these cases is not to pressure the person to say what happens. Let's go with her, and when she's ready, she'll tell us how to help her. Many times the presence of someone who loves us is what it takes to not feel lost.
There is still much to understand, talk and continue researching about depression. It is not an easy topic, nor is it an easy topic to handle. It requires a lot of patience, a lot of love and a lot of understanding. Let us always do our best so that mothers with depression feel accompanied and loved, even if we do not clearly understand what is going on in their minds.
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