In addition to how and when you cross the street, in addition to language, content, in addition to all those things, parents teach our children (with our behavior, words, parenting style ...) what is love. But "love" there are many, some healthier and others less. How can we teach them to love healthy?
Love, as a set of emotions, is something we learn from children. How is it expressed, what does it consist of, what can we expect from it ... these are questions that depend on the culture in which we are, obviously, but also on the education we receive at home.
I propose a reflection: think about what relationship your parents had between them when you were little, how the love was shown at home (between the couple and towards you, the children), what was said about the relationships of couple and family ... All these things are what make up the education in love within the family, and although many times they occur without parents realizing the message we convey they condition how we are going to love when we are adults.
In Babies and more How to educate your children so that love is what guides them in their livesGiven the importance of love, of love in all its aspects, we are interested in making this education a little more conscious: because to be happy, which is what all parents want, we should teach them what love is, the healthy one, the good.
Love for oneself
A good one self esteem It is the basis of mental and emotional health of adults and to be strong and healthy, it must begin to be cultivated as children.
Accompany the children in their activities, be interested in what they tell us, reinforce their progress ... all this helps to build their self-esteem, to build an idea of themselves in which they are able, effective, important.
Likewise, we must be careful with the requirement level that we transmit since it can lead to excessively perfectionist children. Perfectionism leads to low self-esteem ("If I do not do things in the best way I will not be worthy of approval") and a poor evaluation of ourselves, both adults and children.
To avoid this perfectionism We can start by minimizing the importance of mistakes (the world does not end if we are wrong) and give them a positive value (from the error you learn). How? Serving as an example with our behavior and with the things we say in front of them. It is not worth, therefore, to whip ourselves if we make a mistake when we go with the car, for example.
Love, respect and rights
Love is adding, complementing, sharing, growing ... it is not depending. When they are younger, their love is somewhat “selfish”, with a sense of ownership, but little by little, by their own development and with our help, they will understand that love does not imply obligation or dominion, but freedom.
Respect: Children must learn that others do not "have" to do what we want at every moment, but that the fact that they do not behave as we wish does not mean that they do not want us, on the contrary. This also helps them to have a better tolerance for frustration.
Rights: We all have the right to have our opinion, and that it does not necessarily have to coincide with that of others. We all have the right to be loved, heard, to express our needs and ask for what we want. This is a fundamental component of the assertiveness: Knowing how to say no (to requests, for example) and knowing how to ask for what we need. The implications and applications of this assertiveness are very important in childhood, for example in the prevention of abuse.
Durability: Children begin by conceiving love as something volatile (if they make me laugh, they love me, but if they scold me, they don't want me anymore). When we scold or mark limits we can remind our children that we love them, that it is not incompatible with what we are doing, that we will always love them, even if sometimes we seem angry. With this, time and constancy will establish a notion of love as something more solid and stable, which does not evaporate by a specific behavior.
Manage and express love
Love is a set of emotions, and therefore our little ones have to learn to manage and express them. For this we must be careful with the verbalizations we make about relationships or gender roles. Ideas like “Who loves you well will make you suffer” We must avoid them at all costs. These ideas convey a notion of love linked to suffering, to sacrifice, which is associated with situations of abuse and toxic relationships (something we obviously do not want for our children).
In Babies and more How to help your young child manage his emotions Tips for working a healthy love in family
- What do we say: As I said, we must pay special attention to the discourse we have at home about relationships and love.
- Talk about love: ask them openly what they understand by love, when they think we love them, what behaviors show love ...
- What do we do: how we express affection at home (among us adults and towards them, the little ones), how we interact with others ... Our behavior serves as a model for our children and is a source of learning.
- Show that our love for them is unconditional, but that does not mean behaving and doing exclusively what they want.
- Reinforce them when they talk about their feelings, and take advantage of those moments to polish the concept of love
- Reduce high levels of demand so they don't end up being very perfectionists
- Love them, much, and tell him and prove it. Because the best way to teach what love is is by wanting.
Photos: Pixabay.com
In Babies and more: Six things you should teach to love your child
