I propose that we continue to reflect on our reaction when we see a father hit a child and in the end, I will share the advice that psychologist Ramón Soler has given me when I have asked him about this issue.
Ramón Soler is a psychologist and therapist, specialist in autism and clinical hypnosis, and expert in Reconstructive Regressive Therapy. He specializes in child and perinatal psychology and came to this by confirming that most of his patients' problems come from that stage.
After much discussion and thinking about what we can do when we see a father hit his son I think what we can do is look at the child with love and understanding, just so that he knows that someone else knows that this is not correct and does not deserve that treatment.
What to do when we see a father hit his son?
I know, it's very difficult to know exactly what we can do when we see a father hit his son, a scourge, or shakes it, or takes it by the arm screaming at it. Much.
It is possibly beyond our capabilities and responsibility to change that person. But that little can already be the seed of a reflection. But I repeat, in some cases, even if it doesn't help, you have to call the police. Although when they arrive, I fear, the family will no longer be there, because are you going to retain the father as a criminal?
Actually, we can't do anything when we see that an unknown father hits his son. An adult who enters into this dynamic of violence towards the child may possibly be emotionally damaged from his childhood and casual contact will not change that.
And it can even generate more anger at being questioned. Therefore, if we intervene, let it be from the dissimulation and the look of understanding and love towards the child, since from confrontation we can even harm the victim. Many parents who defend the cheeks say they are not traumatized by those who gave them their parents, as he explained to us the psychologist Ramón Soler On one occasion now.
The experiences of children whose parents beat them
When I have asked other mothers and fathers about this issue, people to whom their parents beat them when they were children and someone intervened in the street to stop the blows. And I share with you two very different experiences.
I was moved by the testimony of a woman. His father beat him a lot, usually. A stranger intervened, a man (I fear that if it had been a woman, machismo would have caused no reaction). That unknown man stood between them, and anger and helplessness were marked on his father's face. But it changed, not that the violence stopped, but it did stop strong blows. Someone had put him in his place and that woman, today, was grateful for how much he owed that stranger.
Another, however, told me that every time someone intervened the blows and anger were greater when they got home. She felt fear every time her mother became angry in public and begged that no one interfere so as not to add more blows later for "having left it in evidence."
As I said, it is a very, very difficult situation and I wish I could offer you a sharp answer, something that will serve you for all situations. But there is no reaction that we know will achieve our goal that is not to give way to our outrage, but protect that child from a dynamic of violence and lower the tension, subtly transmitting accompaniment to the child.
The advice of psychologist Ramón Soler
Finally, I have spoken with the psychologist Ramón Soler, whom we have interviewed in previous occasions in Babies and more respect, precisely, to violence against children, asking for guidance in these cases. I leave you with his advice to finish.
I believe that intervening and reprimanding the father at the moment can be a relief for us, but counterproductive for the child. We are not going to convince the father (what he needs is personal therapy), and when they get home, reprisals against the child can be worse.I liked what a girl was saying, that when her mother hit her in the street, she served more a simple look of disapproval towards her mother and of complicity with her (the girl). At least it made him see that someone thought, like her, that his mother was not right.
It should be clarified that, in Spain, since 2007, the use of cheeks in the education of children is not admitted. It is a crime and, therefore, is reportable.
As I was saying, I think that direct intervention and confrontation with parents can be counterproductive for the child. We are not going to be there to defend him when they get home. It is not the solution.
I think that you consider the "indirect approach" to try to reduce tensions is a very good option.
Of course, in cases of beating or extreme violence, we have to call the police and report. I do not know if in that case it would do something to record the father on video for the record. It is a very complicated issue. We all want to take the mother by the hand to stop her, but I have found that this has very few results. It is more effective in the medium and long term, all the work we are doing among all of dissemination of parenting with attachment and complaints of all types of abuse.
I hope that these reflections, which I have made after a debate with a group of families concerned about this problem, can help you know what to do when you see a father hit his son. In the end, what we all can do is work, each in its field, to prevent violence and convey the importance of respect, empathy, nonviolence and the power of love.
There is a close relationship between parenting and violence. I am sure that society will gradually change and in a few years the idea of trying to educate or punish whipping will not be acceptable. We will no longer have to doubt what to do when we see a father hit his son because parents will not hit their children.
